Uh-oh. Here comes trouble. Let's stipulate that the Model T did
everything that the history books say: It put America on wheels,
supercharged the nation's economy and transformed the landscape in ways
unimagined when the first Tin Lizzy rolled out of the factory. Well,
that's just the problem, isn't it? The Model T — whose mass production
technique was the work of engineer William C. Klann, who had visited a
slaughterhouse's "disassembly line" — conferred to Americans the notion
of automobility as something akin to natural law, a right endowed by our
Creator. A century later, the consequences of putting every living soul
on gas-powered wheels are piling up, from the air over our cities to
the sand under our soldiers' boots. And by the way, with its
blacksmithed body panels and crude instruments, the Model T was a piece
of junk, the Yugo of its day.
What makes a car bad? Is it the car with the worst exterior styling? The most dreadful interior? The most uncomfortable ride? The least reliable/most poorly made? Or is it a dismal combination of all these factors? For our purposes, the worst car in the world is not only the vehicle that incorporates the most of these negative traits, but also more importantly, has no redeeming qualities of what makes a car great whatsoever.
Friday, December 11, 2015
1899 Horsey Horseless
Somewhere between an early car and the head-in-the-bed scene in The Godfather,
the Horsey Horseless, the brainfart of inventor Uriah Smith of Battle
Creek, Mich., was intended to soothe the skittish nerves of our equine
servants. A wooden horse head was attached to the front of the chuffing
buggy in order to make it resemble a horse and carriage (Smith
recommended the horse head be hollow to contain volatile fuel — another
great idea). "The live horse would be thinking of another horse," said
Smith, "and before he could discover his error and see that he had been
fooled, the strange carriage would be passed." Stupid horse! It's not
clear if the Horsey Horseless was ever actually built or if it is a
chimera of auto history, but it reminds us just what a radical,
hard-to-conceptualize thing a horseless carriage was.
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